The Jaded Geek

The Best Movie intro of all time

2007-09-18T00:26:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen "Reservoir Dogs" ?

Have you ever seen any Quentin Tarantino movies? He is notorious for his well written dialogue. But I must say that Reservoir Dogs takes the cake, for all movies, ever.

Ever.

Don't agree with me? Well then, I challenge you to find a better opening scene that the one from Reservoir Dogs.

Go for it. I dare you.

Third best video game franchise of all time!

2007-07-27T07:16:00.000-07:00

And now, for the ALL TIME THIRD BEST FRANCHISE OF ALL TIME!!!

Yes, this subject can be HIGHLY debated. And rightfully so. But in the end, there is only ONE challenger.

Street Fighter.

Namely Steer Fighter 2 for the SNES, (as well as SF2 for your local 7-11 arcade) It set the bar for the entire fighting game genre. And I maintain it is the best fighting game of all time to this day.

No, wait, they didn't just SET the bar, they claimed it as their own.

To this present day, there is no fighting game which is as balanced and well programmed as the original Street Fighter 2 for SNES. I've been a gamer since I was 8. I've played almost every great game there is. However, to his very day, when me and my friends get together, there is ONLY one option: STREET FIGHTER 2 for SNES.

This game easily stands up to today's games.

What? It doesn't have as good as graphics as today's games? It doesn't have as many characters?

Anyone who says that isn't good at SF2!

Watch this. And listen up.

2007-07-23T22:28:00.000-07:00

Owch. OWCH! OOOWCH! Owch. Owch! OWCH!! Owch. Owch. Owch! Owch!! OWCH!!! Hey, cool trick!

2007-07-23T22:17:00.000-07:00

Garfield and Friends! HELL YEAH!!!

2007-07-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

Remember this old cartoon? Man, it was great. One of the last good cartoons, next to Tiny Toon adventures and Animaniacs.

You know, if you think about it, you could swap John for a hard core pot smoking hippie, and Garfield's personality would still fit right in.

So THAT'S how they shoot down missles!

2007-07-22T23:41:00.000-07:00

I had no idea that those guns could fires so quickly.

4562

2007-07-22T23:30:00.000-07:00

Injury in Iraq blah blah robotic arm blah blah...

...this guy's atm code is apparently 4562! *laughs*

But seriously, it's good to see that technology is slowly catching up to the comic books.

....

...Oh, and uh, I guess it's good that disabled people can regain their mobility with new prosthetic limbs.

At 1:53 she shows you that you can still give the finger if you have a robotic hand!

Read a Book

2007-07-20T21:36:00.000-07:00

This is a response from my younger brother, who happens to be Black, in regards to the "Read a Book" cartoon recently aired on BET, which I featured a few posts ago on my blog.

Harrison:
Okay, I'll be a little more in-depth.

If that's made by a white guy, it's obviously racist. But at the same time, it's taking violent, offensive aim at a lot of the stuff that's just not happening in the hip hop community. And guess what? That's not even remotely offensive if we're taking into consideration the other crap that airs on BET. Considering everything else on the channel furthers all sorts of myths and stereotypes and horrible lifestyle choices in the most profane way possible (thus desensitizing black people to their own languor) it's absolutely worth a shot to air a short that might actually offend them.

I have no problem with this whatsoever. In a lot of cases, most of this stuff is just good advice. Though it's far from sensitive or tactful, is anything in the ghetto culture these days? The irony of coming at the ghetto lifestyle in their own language and suddenly being deemed offensive isn't lost on me. I would have appreciated it if this went even further, personally. Who has any right to get offended (provided it isn't made by a white person)?

Absolute brilliance. Can anyone argue???

Also, Harry get 500 points for using the word, "languor".

Do YOU know what that means?

If not, press "alt-f4" for a complete definition.

How DARE they!!!

2007-07-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

The following video is of a Chrysler car commercial that has been banned. I still can't figure out why...

...I mean, in South Africa, they have car security systems that quite literally have flame throwers on either side of the car to "roast" would be carjackers. I guess it's fine to have a security system that would kill a human being if they tampered with your car. But to show a fake dog getting electrocuted by computer graphics, MY GOD! WILL SOMEBODY PLEEEEEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

The toughest damn girl I've ever seen.

2007-07-18T21:54:00.000-07:00

After watching this video, I have become an advocate for women in the military. Well, maybe just this one...

This chick, as part of her US marines training course, has to get pepper sprayed in the face, and then go through a gauntlet of physical tests involving attack like situations. She does AMAZINGLY well. I have seen videos of Canadian RCMP officers get pepper sprayed, and they instantly become useless. This is girl can definitely hold her own in an army of mostly males. If I knew her email address, I'd propose right now, because if ANYONE is coming back from combat, she is.

I mean, come ON!!! Look at those punches she's throwing! Look at the knees! And pepper spray is suppose to stop crack heads in their tracks!! I give mad props to this girl.

Hey army girl, wherever you are, you have done your country proud.

Dammit to hell...

2007-07-17T22:52:00.001-07:00

This clip is the story of my life. Not the gay innuendos, but but the whole thing about my interests only matching that of other men's interests.

God dammit, where the hell are all the gamer chicks out there?

This reminds me of something that happened at work today. I've been looking for a woman for awhile now. I'm sitting in the staff lunch room. We normally have a bunch of newspapers lying around. But today we had a gaming magazine. This girl sits down next to me and asks if I am reading it or not. I say no, and she picks it up and starts reading it. I'm thinking, "Gamer chick? SWEET!" So I strike up a conversation. We talk for awhile, and I eventually ask her what systems she owns. She replies, "Well, my fiance has a PS3..."

FUCK! GOD DAMMIT TO HELL! WHERE THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO GO FUCKING FIND A CHICK GAMER! FUCK MY HOMETOWN TO HELL! BUNCH OF UNEDUCATED NYMPHO FUCKING HILLBILLIES!! EVERY GOD DAMN GIRL IN THIS SHIT HOLE OF A TOWN HAS A FUCKING CHOTCH OF A BOYFRIEND! AND IF THEY DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND, THEY'RE EITHER 16 YEARS OLD, OR THEY HAVE A KID, OR HAVE A FUCKING IQ OF 12. WHERE THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO GO TO FIND A DECENT GIRL? GOD, WHY DO YOU HATE ME???

FUCK!!!!!

E3 Grind House

2007-07-17T21:45:00.000-07:00

If you haven't seen Grindhouse yet, quit your job, break up with your girlfriend, and go see it RIGHT NOW!

G4TechTV, the televised mecca for gamers everywhere, did a great parody of Grindhouse for E3. (If you don't know what E3 is, hit "alt-F4" right now.)

Morgan Webb: "I have an eyepatch and a Katana. What did you think was gonna happen?"

Priceless.

To Morgan Webb, if you are reading this, will you marry me?

Read a Book

2007-07-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

For those of you unfortunate enough to have missed this controversial BET feature, here it is.

Racist, or realistic? You be the judge.

I'm speechless...

2007-07-16T14:14:00.000-07:00

Uh, I found this video from a kids show called, "The Big Comfy Couch".

I...um...uh, well, just watch it. It might very well me the WORST thing I have ever seen.

Ever.

Which type of Forced Induction setup for me?

2007-07-11T21:59:00.000-07:00

Which type of Forced Induction setup for me?
This was a question asked on the Mazda MX6 forums. I responded the best I could.

CHRIS
Okay, I know this question is beat to death, but I am trying to decide which type of forced induction I want to use on my mx6. I have read as much info as I could find on the site. I am currently having my KLDE totally rebuilt with forged wiseco 8.5-1 pistons and pauter forged rods. The motor will be "new" when it is done. I am looking into a custom cam grind and I am trying to get some info before I commit to a turbo or supercharged regrind. I will be driving this car for a year or so before it gets a forced induction system put on. I am not trying to make a racecar. I don't need to run 12's in the quarter. I am building a daily driven street machine that can keep up with almost anything on the road or at least surprise someone who thought they were untouchable. I am aiming for 300whp. Right now I am dealing with a shop that specializes in turbos but I may go elsewhere for my actual F/I setup. They take too long with their work. My rebuild has taken 2 months already. I have been talking to this shop about a turbo setup that would fit my needs. It should spool by 3000rpm and give me 300+whp. He quoted me $4k for all labor, parts, and tuning. Are there any advantages to having a supercharger over a turbo? I know I will have more torque at low rpms and no turbo lag. I like the clutched
supercharger idea since you can turn off the power if you want to. Is installation any easier with a supercharger? Will my car be better off the line than a turbocharged car? Is it better or worse for my gears to supercharge? I have pretty modest horsepower expectations but I am still unsure which route is right for me. Any help is greatly appreciated. Thanks. Chris

JADED GEEK

If you are planning on rebuilding your engine with stronger internals, and lower compression, turbo is the way to go. Because your internals are stronger,and your compression is lower, you will be able to use a high amount of boost. More than a supercharger would provide.Most superchargers for our cars put out between 5 and 7 psi. That's pretty good. But high powered turbo setups can see numbers between 15 and 30 psi. Superchargers don't have any lag. They pretty much provide the full psi for the whole rpm range. And with a clutched setup, you can decided to boost or not,
perhaps saving gas, or surprising someone in a race. (Wanna race again? *click*
PSSSSSSSSSST) With a turbo, you'll have a little lag. But under smaller amounts of boost, and with modern ball-bearing tubos, it's minimal. If you run a high level of boost, it takes longer for the turbo to spin up to speed to provide that pressure, and the turbo it's self will be larger, and having more rotational mass.
But the turbo only really spools when the throttle is open wide. With a boost
gauge, you'll be able to see that when driving around town normally, you are
boosting. But at any moment, you can put your foot into it and have hundreds of horsepower waiting for you. Turbo's function better in higher rpms. So if your upgrading your valve train, and getting aggressive cams, turbo is definitely the way to go. You'll be able to rev higher and faster, and make crazy amounts of power when you climb into those upper rpms. The faster the turbo spins, the more boost it can create. So the higher you rev, the faster you go. (Generally speaking of course. Exceptions always exist.)
With careful tuning, a built engine, and a high boost turbo, you could be looking
at 300 wheel horsepower pretty easily. And probably a lot more.
Add in some traction bars, and sticky tires.....(droooools) Your car will be a
force to be reckoned with!! Even though you said don't want to run 12's, you
will be getting some very nice times. And your car will still be a pleasure
to drive around town, depending on what you do with the suspension. Remember,
some people drive around 400HP corvettes as their daily driver. You should be
fine. I hope this helps you make your decision.

Fun with Science!

2007-07-10T23:49:00.000-07:00

Sulfur hexafluoride is a non-toxic gas denser that air. Inhaling some will cause your voice to deepen, opposite to the effect of helium.

Just cause you're a teacher doesn't mean you're not an idiot.

Who knew boiling water and ice water could make a big metal drum crush it's self.
Uh...try this at home kids. 7 times.

MONKEY HEAD TRANSPLANT!!!

I tried this once. It's harder than it looks.

Seriously though, this is a very disturbing video. The people interviewed who describe the procedure almost seem traumatized by it. And rightly so. Look at the guys face and listen to his voice right at the end.

Jaded Geek, now with 47% more feedback capabilities!

2007-07-10T22:13:00.001-07:00

See the side bar?

Jaded Geek public forums?

See where it says,

Leave comments. Discuss blog content. Insult me using slang, poor grammer, and/or incorrect spelling. Send me links. Send me content. It all starts and ends here.

Got it?

Tetris

2007-07-10T21:33:00.003-07:00

What was the best thing about the destruction of the Berlin Wall? Most people will probably answer, "Tetris".

In 1984, Alexey Pajitnov finished the very first version of Tetris. Thus, spawning a sensation: "Puzzle Games".
To this day, Tetris remains the best.

How does a pro get 999999 points? Watch and find out! Amazing skills, and to top it off, he manages to do it all in just half the screen. I couldn't figure out if that somehow made it easier, or if the guy was just showing off. I don't care either way.
UPDATE ! - A friend of mine said that you get higher points for lines near the top. Mystery solved.

Now THIS is just nuts. IF this is in fact real, this guy's reflexes are lightening fast. I'm talking Annakin Skywalker fast, like, you can see things before they happen so you are the only human alive who can pilot a pod-racer because regular people can't react fast enough and crash in two seconds, that kind of fast.

Those crazy Japanese, what sort of antics will they get into next. This is a clip from some show where a guy is playing a bunk version of Tetris, and all sorts of funny stupid things happen. Good for a chuckles.

The Ricer Review - 2 -

2007-07-09T23:03:00.000-07:00

I rounded up some links addressing the issue of rice.

Bryan's Rice-Boy Page

Stupid Rice Boys

Rice-Or--Not?
10 points for simply existing

As an MX6 owner, the above picture is the ultimate abomination. He has a BMW 330 logo next to a fake V8 emblem. The MX6 either has a V6 or an Inline 4. There is some sort of nonfunctional turbine looking thing jutting out of the hood. It has the BMW logo on the hood, even though it's a Mazda. He doesn't actually have a black front lip, he painted his bumper black in that spot. And lets not even start on the spoler.

Molested Cars
11 points for having the best name

Low Budget Lunacy!

2007-07-09T01:23:00.000-07:00

James Kassier is the man behind Road Rocket Pictures. He's masterminded purposely cheesy remakes with an over the top, sci-fi star trek theme.

Starting off in his parents basement at a young age, James reconstructed the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. Multiple screens, hundreds of Christmas lights sticking out of painted carboard, and real fireworks for explosions.

It was pretty sweet for what it was. I don't remember the storyline very well, but I remember it was fairly well put together.

Those childhood dreams of surfing the stars carried on to his later film career. Today, James has participated in many film festivals, winning various awards, for his campy throwbacks to science fiction's simpler times.
I helped this guy out with a number of his films, and they are always incredibly fun to work on. Blowing stuff up, taping fire-crackers to the side of a black painted super-soaker to simulate gun fire, dressing head to toe in vinyl radiation suits and putting on rubber ears, cheesy wigs, duck tape, gum boots, and plastic swords.

Combine it all with special effects that represent hundreds and hundreds of man hours: space battles, fiery explosions, slow motion fighting, bullets ricocheting of walls and armor, and tons of wacky sets with lots of blinking lights.

For more of the story, check out Road Rocket Pictures.

I just tried the video links, and they don't seem to work properly, but I'll contact James to get some previews, and I'll post them up here.

UPDATE: Destination Hollywood Teaser

First hand Kwik -E-Mart review!

2007-07-08T20:08:00.001-07:00

This weekend a long time dream was realized. That dream was about two words: one real, one animated. The only two franchises never to have let me down came together in the very best that modern marketing will ever have to offer.

7-11, the late night source for stoned teenagers buying shiny objects. The year round, midnight oasis to party patrons across the nation. The one place you put up with paying premium prices.

And The Simpsons, the best show that has ever been made. The cartoon which paved the way for adult humor animation. And the only one which has maintained it's dignity virtually every step of the way. The one show which never gets old.

And the result of the two coming together? A real life Kwik E Mart.

By now, I'm sure everyone has heard the news.

But I was lucky enough to live 30 minutes away from a newly converted store. So I thought I'd fill my camera with pictures, and review the Port Coquitlam Kwik-E-Mart.

When we first arrived, the sign stuck out light a lighthouse beacon reflecting the suns rays, blinding us with it's beauty. There it was: a real live Kwik-E--Mart. Quite possibly the coolest thing that will happen in 2007.

The parking lot was packed, but we somehow managed to get a space right in from of the main doors. It was a blessing from God, because there were probably about 100 people in and around the store. No joke.

This is the front sign. I have mixed feelings about seeing Bart and Milhouse sitting on top of the store. Yeah, it's kinda neat to see, but it's weak. Bart and Milhouse never hang out on the roof. How would they get up there? And why? This seemed like a deviation meant to appeal to a more mainstream crowd. I would have preferred to see only the classic "Kwik-E-Mart" sign, front and center, above the doors. But whatever. It's still cool I guess.

Here's a shot from outside. You can see that business is clearly booming. I pity the poor employees who have to put up with it, and I envy the owners for essentially winning the lottery of the marketing world.

Apu is seen, saying, "Thank you for loitering. Please come again."

And loiter you could. There was enough people there that you could have purchased a non-consecutive dozen different items, and the store clerks would have said "Thank you come again" every time.

Here's me, posing with Marge, and Jeff Albertson, otherwise known as "Comic Book Guy."

Marge is carrying groceries, yet looks as is she's ready to head inside. I guess 7-11 wouldn't want the image of someone LEAVING their store on the wall. Comic book guy is reading Radioavtive Man comics, and feasting on Nachos. Most likely covered in imitation cheese-flavored substitute.

Here's my brother enjoying the same photogenic privileges as me.

Inside, it was still a 7-11. All the same crap was there. But now there were character stand-ups everywhere, and a few choice themed products.

This was the stack of genuine Kwik-E-Mart Squishee cups. And what better souvenir than your very first "Official Squishee."

Time to fill up. As the blue, vanilla flavored, frosty sludge oozed into the cup, I anxiously awaited the taste, nay, the experience, of quenching my thirst with a piece of Simpson's history.

If you look closely, I have two cups. One for drinking, one for keeping.

I thought I'd be able to get away with it...

Here's the finished product. The slurpee namesake has been shrugged off in a glorious stride of progress.

Did it taste any different than a regular slurpee?

I don't know. I had never tried the Blue Vanilla flavor before, heh heh.

Harry's down with the Squishee action too. I can't remember what flavor he got. Coke or something. It wasn't nearly as interesting as Blue Vanilla.

I love this picture. He's looks so excited, yet he has this smirk of phoniness about him.

BUZZ Cola.
"twice the sugar, twice the caffeine"

Here's the wall sign for Krusty's cereal, "KrustyO's". The store was supposed to be selling them, but apparently had been sold out for hours. This was also true for the Buzz Cola, and the pink donuts, and the radioactive man comics. D'oh!

I'm sure you'll be able to get them all on ebay soon enough.

Spoke too soon...

Here's the closeup. We can see worms, screws, fur, and of course the classic "Jagged Metal Krusty-O".

It also reads, "Now with 20% more air!!"

The plastic donut wasn't bad. It was flavored with the summertime sweat on a thousand patrons, and textured with the germs of everybody who had done this before me. Pretty much exactly like the actual donuts at the Kwik-E-Mart.

But they were out of the real pink donuts.

The expression says it all.

The clerks were dressed in true to form Kwik-E-Mart attire. I thought the jackets were brilliantly done, but I couldn't tell if the employees were into it or not.

It was probably fun for the first day, but after a week of non-stop business, it's probably wearing thin.

To the owner of the Port Coquitlam Kwik-E-Mart:

GIVE YOUR EMPLOYEES A RAISE!!!

Here's the only other thing that seemed out of place. This statement from Apu saying, "Our Hot Dogs are rich in bunly goodness."

This quote was originally spoken by Lunch Lady Dorris, and said "Bunny goodness" instead of "Bunly goodness".

It would be different if Lunch Lady Dorris and Apu had ever been seen interacting in any way. Like, if they traded cleaning supplies one time, or if Apu helped cook at the school every once and awhile.

But that out of place statement was redeemed by a new original. "Buy 3 for the price of 3!" It hasn't been see in The Simpsons before, however, it's a perfect exploration of the exceptional deals one might find in a Kwik-E-Mart.

My brother chows down on Homer's hot dog. Luckily for him, he's taking a bite from the side yet to touch Homer's lips, so there's no danger of cartoon-cross contamination .

This one caught me completely off guard.

The image of Frostillicus, the frozen body of Jasper turned Kwik-E-Mart side-show, was displayed inside one of the coolers. Brilliant stuff!! I loved it.

This one is great.

As you can see, this sign uses Homer's famous cry of delight as it's advertising hook. Homer and Apu must really be getting close! Apu is starting to use Homer's catch phrases in his advertising!

Now of course, one would have to enter the Simpson's world to get the true Kwik-E-Mart experience. But this was as close as one will ever come. And you could feel the fun and fantasy of The Simpsons draped over the same harsh, merciless world of daytime 7-11.

In the upper right corner, you can see the "ID Zone" sticker, informing the masses that it is unlawful to sell tobacco products to those under 19. I could go on about this picture for hours...But it's pretty self explanitory.

I had the biggest urge to bust out a can of spray paint and paint "El Barto" across the bright yellow wall. Later that night on the internet, I saw pictures of other Kwik-E-Marts that featured just that. One had a picture of Skinner, and said he sucks or smells or something. Funny stuff.

When we went up to the counter, we were promptly informed that there was a limited supply of Squishee cups, and that we would have to pay full price for each one. I had two, and Harry had three. He decided to get they anyway. After all, it is a timeless piece of Simpsons memorabilia. And someday, will be worth 10 million dollars. A wise investment.

It took some careful maneuvering to get out of the parking lot. There were people everywhere, cars pointed straight at each other, and no one backing down. Or maybe no one knew what the hell to do. Eventually, we managed to leave the lot.

So how was it all? Great. It was pretty tastefully done, and seeing all the little things inside really made the experience. Sure, they didn't have any more radioactive man comics. But I enjoyed a genuine squishee in the hot summer heat, and I wouldn't trade that experience for anything.

I was amazed at how busy it was. There was a huge lineup inside, but the service was pretty fast. Maybe none of the clerks were Indian, but their work ethic held up to the true Kwik-E-Mart standards. A beautiful thing.

A Beautiful thing.

So if any of you have the chance to visit one of these stores, do so. Bring money, and a Camera. It's a lifetime experience for any true Simpsons aficionado.

2007-07-08T20:03:00.001-07:00

The Ricer Review

Part One

The term "Ricer" refers to someone who's car is all show and no go. Lumped into this category are the extravagant cars of the fabled, timeless classic, "The Fast and the Furious". Cars which are weighed down by elaborate body kits and and spoilers big enough to land a plane on. Cars with completely stock engines and $10,000 invested in the exterior. Cars with ridiculous paint jobs, gobs of performance stickers, and giant mufflers.

Allow me to provide an example:

Here we have a Toyota Camry. This 92 horsepower grocery-getter has been adorned with bright yellow stickers, fog lights, stickers for performance parts it doesn't have, cheap after market wheels, and the cherry on the sundae: The giant spoiler.

In days to come, I'll be posting cars I see from around town, and those which I find on the internet, in effort to belittle and shame their owners.

The Jaded Geek

The Best Movie intro of all time

Third best video game franchise of all time!

Top Three video game franchises of all time.

Watch this. And listen up.

Owch. OWCH! OOOWCH! Owch. Owch! OWCH!! Owch. Owch. Owch! Owch!! OWCH!!! Hey, cool trick!

Garfield and Friends! HELL YEAH!!!

So THAT'S how they shoot down missles!

4562

Read a Book

How DARE they!!!

The toughest damn girl I've ever seen.

Dammit to hell...

E3 Grind House

Read a Book

I'm speechless...

Which type of Forced Induction setup for me?

Fun with Science!

Jaded Geek, now with 47% more feedback capabilities!

Jaded Geek public forums?

Tetris

The Ricer Review - 2 -

Low Budget Lunacy!

First hand Kwik -E-Mart review!

The Ricer Review